Key Fobs

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If I choose the wrong road, it’s my own asphalt.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

If you’re crazy and you know it, take your meds.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

I finally got my shit together, now I can’t find it.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

Sorry I’m late I got stuck in happy hour.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

I can still haul ass, it just takes more trips.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

Say no to drugs…sometimes.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

Silence is gold, duct tape is silver.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

If your joints are stiff, you’re rolling them too tight.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

Some days I wish I had more middle fingers.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

Some days I wish I had more middle fingers. other color

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

I solemnly swear…often.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

I’m not going on the next family guilt trip.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

I hope this is the final season of this shit show.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

When I die I want an open blouse funeral.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

It’s all fun and games until someone loses their dignty.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

If it ain’t broke, don’t let my kids touch it.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

I feel sorry for people who don’t know me.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

I’m sorry I missed your pity party … again.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

Namaste. Namago.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

If you can’t laugh at yourself, I will.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

I’m a ray of sunshine with scattered hot flashes.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

I need more than coffee but less than cocaine.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

Struggling gold digger.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

Killing people with kindness takes too long.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

Stop driving me crazy, I’m close enough to walk.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

Ten percent stud. Ninety percent muffin.

Fashionably funny, the new Matchdaddy key fob features an easy-find clasp and brass safety whistle.

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